When one partner cheats, the other may end the relationship, or forgive and stay in it, but either way, extra-marital affairs have major, negative effects that can be felt for some time, or forever, such as:
Damage to self esteem
The person who has been cheated on experiences a blow to his (or her) self-esteem and may think “Was I not enough?” or “If I hadn’t let myself go, this would not have happened”. Just as children tend to blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, many victims of an affair respond by blaming themselves. The decision to cheat was not yours, and although there may have been problems in the relationship, you did not make the decision to have an affair. Chances are, it had much more to do with a deficiency or weakness in your partner than in you.
Lack of trust
Victims of an affair will find it difficult to trust again and may doubt their judgment of other people. Even if a relationship ends, and another begins, the mechanism of infidelity can follow. It is important to deal with your trust issues, even if it means getting professional help. You and your future partner will be grateful in the long run that you dealt with the negative consequences of the affair.
Sense of instability
You may feel your world has been turned upside down and the things in your life that gave you a sense of security have been shattered and smashed. It is normal to feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. It is important to find that sense of stability inside yourself. Look at your survival skills from the past and realise you can cope with this too.
Roller-coaster of emotions
It can be difficult to understand a person we are in relationship with, especially when sometimes we don’t even understand ourselves. Why do we feel good about ourselves one moment, and bad another? Why does a person change their attitude towards us from one day to the next? Each human is a complex creature whose behaviour is driven by emotions, beliefs, points of view, and how much coffee they had that morning.
The person who has been cheated on experiences a blow to his (or her) self-esteem and may think “Was I not enough?” or “If I hadn’t let myself go, this would not have happened”. Just as children tend to blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, many victims of an affair respond by blaming themselves. The decision to cheat was not yours, and although there may have been problems in the relationship, you did not make the decision to have an affair. Chances are, it had much more to do with a deficiency or weakness in your partner than in you.
Lack of trust
Victims of an affair will find it difficult to trust again and may doubt their judgment of other people. Even if a relationship ends, and another begins, the mechanism of infidelity can follow. It is important to deal with your trust issues, even if it means getting professional help. You and your future partner will be grateful in the long run that you dealt with the negative consequences of the affair.
Sense of instability
You may feel your world has been turned upside down and the things in your life that gave you a sense of security have been shattered and smashed. It is normal to feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. It is important to find that sense of stability inside yourself. Look at your survival skills from the past and realise you can cope with this too.
Roller-coaster of emotions
It can be difficult to understand a person we are in relationship with, especially when sometimes we don’t even understand ourselves. Why do we feel good about ourselves one moment, and bad another? Why does a person change their attitude towards us from one day to the next? Each human is a complex creature whose behaviour is driven by emotions, beliefs, points of view, and how much coffee they had that morning.
One minute you may feel like crying, the next, screaming. You may blame him today, blame her tomorrow, and blame yourself too. It is common when facing infidelity to feel different emotions. Realise this is normal and feel what you are feeling and work through it. Don’t keep your feelings in. Seek outside help if you feel overwhelmed.
The Ripple Effect
Extra-marital affairs can cause a ripple effect in your life. You may find yourself looking differently at your job, your friends and your life choices. This can be either positive or negative, but most victims of an affair say that it has brought on changes in all other areas of their lives. It’s important that you not make changes to major areas of your life while in the midst of an emotional turmoil that accompanies an affair. Healing a hurting marriage can begin with some self-help. Much can be done to save or improve a marriage, if the partners are willing to put some effort into building up the relationship.
The Ripple Effect
Extra-marital affairs can cause a ripple effect in your life. You may find yourself looking differently at your job, your friends and your life choices. This can be either positive or negative, but most victims of an affair say that it has brought on changes in all other areas of their lives. It’s important that you not make changes to major areas of your life while in the midst of an emotional turmoil that accompanies an affair. Healing a hurting marriage can begin with some self-help. Much can be done to save or improve a marriage, if the partners are willing to put some effort into building up the relationship.
Marriage is not a 50/50 arrangement. It is a surrendering of oneself to the marriage partner completely, unconditionally, and without reservation. There should be no competition, no self-seeking, no power plays. The relationship should be filled with concern, sacrifice, patience, mutual support, respect, forgiveness, and trust.
In a world full of greed and hatred, the ideal marriage relationship is a haven of protection and love. But we are all human beings, and we all fall short of such noble goals. Sometimes, even caring, compassionate people fall into patterns of behaviour that can destroy a marriage.
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